Dear Dad,

Where do I even begin to start with writing this. The thought of losing you seems impossible, but that is just it, I am not losing you. Instead, you are gaining your wings and flying free from such pain and suffering, but you will always be with me in spirit. I could write about how cruel and devastating the disease was for you, but that wouldn’t do you justice. The courage and fight that you have shown in recent years is an accolade to the approach you have taken to life. You have always been one to do what you want, when you want to do it, and nothing has ever stopped you in your tracks.

Our relationship has had its ups and downs over the years, but nothing in life should be, or ever is exactly like fairytale movies. It seems odd thinking that your diagnosis has brought us closer together, but I am glad that we have had very special time with each other in recent years, and I will always cherish the memories that we have created together. No more so than the conversations we have had, the time alone in Alderney together, the stays in London and our special trip to your childhood home ground, where you shared all the places that meant something special to you and generations above. Most of all, I will value all the seemingly insignificant time we have spent together in the last few years, that is when I have learnt most about you.

Now seems like an appropriate time to say thank you, but no words seem good enough to share my appreciation for all that you have done for me throughout my life. I am grateful for the memories you have given me, the opportunities that your hard work have enabled us to have, and the fact that you have always been there for me, no matter what. You have inspired me when I may have been lost in life, encouraged me when I don’t have belief, taught me how to have hope, criticised me when I have needed it, and loved me when I have felt unworthy of love.

I will miss your unique laughter, and the ability to hear it far and wide. I will miss not being able to hear your voice each day and being able to speak to you about often seemingly random topics. I will miss the endless jobs and orders for things you would like me to help you with (Yes, Dad, I will actually miss those). I will miss being your “IT Department”. I will miss your bright ideas, your love for our family and your passion. I will miss playing (and losing) connect4 with you, and Bullet challenges will never be the same without you. That is your game, specifically named after you (sorry, I had to get it in there somewhere!). You will always be our reigning champion, but always my number one too. Most of all, I will miss not being able to physically hold your hand, but you will always be with me in spirit and in my heart, so I know you won’t miss out on the future.

This may sound odd to other people - crossing a river or stream will never quite be the same, but I will always here your voice saying “I’ve canoed on that river”. You would often say it in the most unlikely of places, but it always brought a smile to your face and laughter from those with you. I have had the pleasure of seeing your crocodile dance on a handful of occasions, each person who loves and knows you well, knows that this only comes out on special occasions, where it brings joy, laughter and maybe a little embarrassment from your kids, to any room. Knowing that you won’t perform it again breaks my heart, but it will live on within the memories of those who saw it, legendary springs to mind. Most of all, I will treasure our memories in Alderney together. From one of my very first being your 50th Birthday celebrations, to the endless summer days we spent on Corbletts together during my childhood, through to the last special trip we had together, knowing that it was unlikely we would have the same opportunities again. The pure joy that came with the sun, sea air, beautiful golden sands, and the green suit will be cherished. However, these memories will always, as you used to say, bring a cheeky grin to my face! You will be renowned for slathering on suntan lotion leaving a white face all afternoon, for getting sand absolutely everywhere, and for your sunbathing position which always revolved around watching us surf, playing sport on the sand or generally having fun. It is a place where you are known and loved by all. Alderney will always be home for us, but never quite the same without you.

Your presence will always be missed, but your legacy will live on for years to come. You have not only inspired me, but also provided me with a massive amount of motivation to help create a better future for people affected by pulmonary fibrosis. I was hoping that you would see me start my PhD, but that was not meant to be unfortunately, for one reason or another. I promise you I will do it! When I do eventually secure the funding, you will be there with me, every step of the way – it is dedicated to you and your life, Dad.

I don’t know whether to class us as being fortunate or not for preparing for you moving to your next adventure. In a way it has been immeasurably painful, yet it has brought us closer together. I am glad that I have had the opportunity to write this in tribute for you and that you have been able to hear it. No doubt that I will have missed things that I wanted to say. Words will never truly be able to explain my love for you, nor will they ever do you justice. Just know that you make up a huge part of my life, and you still will continue to do so, as you will never leave my heart. As Nanny said to Grandad, until we meet again.

My love always and forever,
Kirstie xxx